Why didn't you tell me?
by FrImagination
Summary: Daryl had spent the whole day looking for her. When he eventually found her, the truth came out. She was just waiting for the right person Takes place between season 8 and season 9.


**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS LITTLE WARNING BEFORE YOU START READING THIS STORY.**

First thing first: hi guys!

I don't know where to start so I'll just introduce myself as a french reader who have been reading your stories for a couple of years now. And it's always so great to read you! People here are so so soooooo talented!

I love writing things too. But french fanfictions don't 'sound' as good as English ones (french readers: c'est pas du tout pour être méchante, vous gérez de fou aussi! Et heureusement qu'on a des fanfic françaises! C'est mon avis personnel mais je trouve que, pour tout ce qui est séries américaines, les fanfics en anglais ça le fait mieux...).

Anyway, it's been like 4 months since I wrote the first word of this story. And here we are... I think I'm going to regret my post because it's probably full of english mistakes because **OBVIOUSLY I AM NOT BILINGUAL**. Like not AT ALL. So why am I doing this? Well, I really don't know O_o I guess it's just because YOLO you know.

I'd like to apologize if my sentences aren't _THAT_ elaborate and if I used the wrong tense (I don't get your past perfect / simple past thing .").

But I did my best for my first (and maybe last) story, but I am not confident at all ;). But feel free to review anyway, so I can know what you're thinking of it :)

Now about what you're going to read... Just so you know, I love Carol and to me, she's the strongest character of this show. So no blame. You're warned :p

Yep so... *take a deep breath* here it is...

Enjoy it! (despite the mistakes (aaaaaa))

 **Disclaimer : I do not own the walking dead and its characters. All I own is my imagination.**

* * *

He'd spent the whole day looking for her but she was nowhere. Not in the garden, not in the theater, not in the streets, not in the laundry. She was nowhere to be found.

War with Negan's group was still engaged but the three groups needed some time to regain strength. So Daryl had moved to the Kingdom earlier this morning to train new fighters. Well, that was what he'd said because genuinely, all he wanted was to make sure she was safe and sound.

But he hadn't seen her yet.

However, Daryl was sure she knew he was at the Kingdom. Everybody did know according to his cleaned room and to the food waiting for him to be eaten. So not finding her wasn't a coincidence. It was her choice.

 _Why the hell is she avoiding me_? This question had been turning in his head for hours. Although he desperately wanted to talk to her, he was starting to run out of patience.

Daryl suddenly gazed at the big house.

Of course, he hadn't checked the house yet. _What an idiot_. This was the first place he should've thought of! Without wasting more time, he ran –well, strode anyway - as fast as he could near the building and opened the door. He hoped she was there. He really did, otherwise… But he reached her bedroom's door before he had a chance to think more. Taking a quick breath, he shot a glance inside and… Bingo! There she was…

Carol.

She was looking through the window. He watched her for a few seconds, suddenly not knowing what to say. He felt a little bit anxious actually. She'd been the very first to see the good in him, to treat him like he wasn't Merle's brother when everybody else stayed aloof from him. He knew she always cared about him, worried about him. And so did he. Hell, even her presence was enough to make him feel safe. But now, he felt like they were strangers. Strangers don't talk to one another, don't care about each other. But they did care. They weren't strangers. Not anymore.

While he was going to knock, she spoke, breaking the silence.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

It made him jump. How did she know he was there _? Women._ _They always know when you're around, what you're thinking about, what you've done or going to do. They have a sixth sense._

However, the tone of her voice brought him down to earth. It was almost a whisper. Her voice was soft but he knew her enough to recognize the sorrow in it. She wasn't okay. On top of that, he had no clue what she was talking about.

"Why didn't you tell me about Glenn and Abraham?" she clarified, spinning around.

 _Oh._ His guts twisted hard. Her face was slightly red, her features tensed and her eyes darker than usual.

She was angry and he didn't like it at all.

He took a step ahead, though, and entered her bedroom, watching her opening and closing her mouth as if she was about to say something. But she didn't. Neither of them dared to talk. They were just facing each other. Carol's cheeks flushed with anger and Daryl's hair hiding his red face.

Usually, he felt comfortable with her. Well, except all those times she teased him but honestly? He missed that. He missed her teasing him. He missed her laughing at his blushed face. He missed her being proud of her own jokes. He missed her. He really did.

But this time, he didn't feel comfortable at all. Oh no. He didn't because she was mad at him. And as far as he could remember, he'd never faced her like this before. They once had had a little fight. But that was a long time ago, at Hershel's farm. They'd barely known each other. But now… Everything was different. He couldn't handle her being mad at him or being sad because of him. He wanted to disappear and far, far away from here.

"Carol, I'm sorry, I…I just…" _,_ he stammered.

"You just what? You just thought I was too weak to handle the truth?"

"'s not like that..."

"Then what?! Daryl… I thought you were the one knowing me! I thought you were the one seeing the real me… But apparently I was wrong 'cause like everybody else, you think I'm weak! Why does everybody always feel like I need to stay away from everything? Why does everybody always think I can't handle anything?"

"Dunno, maybe it's cuz ya can't! Maybe it's cuz ya ran away from us to avoid the damn reality?"

Oh. Did he just say that? Did he _dare_? According to her open mouth and her wide eyes, he did. _What an idiot!_

"Oh my god", she sneered, "there we are…"

"Yes, yes there we are Carol! That's what ya want nah? Talkin' 'bout my mistake? That's what ya want! So let's have a lil' chat lady!" He spat, shutting the door loudly.

Carol jumped at the noisy sound and glared at him.

She was upset? No problem because he was too. He didn't like her blaming him while the only reason he'd lied to her was to protect her. But she didn't know that. No, she just thought he'd betrayed her or something. _It was so unfair!_

Her eyes were locked in his and neither of them looked away. The room was terribly quiet but it wasn't a good silent. It was more the calm before the storm.

Daryl's temple was beating as hard as his heart was pounding in his chest. Carol was the first to drop, more exasperated than embarrassed.

"This is ridiculous" _;_ she sighted between her teeth, avoiding him to move near the door.

And now what? She was leaving without ending this conversation? Without trying to calm this mess down? Daryl seethed. _She must be fuckin' kiddin' me!_

"Don't", he spat, reaching the door while her small hands were searching for the door's handle.

But Carol didn't listen to him and grabbed it. He knew she was stubborn and it was something he liked about her. But right now, he didn't need her to behave like an obstinate person.

She hardly had the time to open the door that Daryl closed it violently with one single hand. She let out a cry and scowled at him.

"You're crazy?! Let me out!"

"No!"

"What? Are you kidnapping me now?" she snickered, her arms crossed against her chest.

"Yep. I know yer pretty great at runnin' away from serious situations but this time? Ya won't."

Jeez! He hadn't even meant that. He'd just spat it out because… Because he was so freaking angry with her!

And so was she. She looked him straight in the eye, her face was so red and her eyes so threatening that it almost scared him off. And her little fists were so squeezed along her thighs he was sure her nails were tearing her palms up.

"You're the biggest jerk I've ever seen!" she yelled.

"Oh I'm the jerk so? And what about the woman who took off without carin' 'bout the others? What about the woman who left everybody down? What about her?!"

"Enough! Let me go Daryl!" she screamed while trying to reach the door. But he stood in front of her, crossing her way.

"Not this time! Ya wanted to know so here's the truth. Take it Carol cuz it's what ya did! Ya left us just like that! Yer family! Did ya just think for a second at how worried I's when people told me ya's gone? Uh? Ya let us down Carol! Ya let us fuckin' down! So if there's one jerk in this room it's ya!"

"Daryl stop. You're hurting me" she winced, looking down.

Her voice was now a low whisper and a few tears had started to roll down her cheeks. But he didn't notice. At least, his anger chose not to.

"Oh I'm hurtin' ya? And what 'bout ya leavin' me alone? Do ya think ya hurt me? Look at me! Look at me Carol!" He screamed.

She didn't.

"Know what? I think yer just afraid. Yer just 'fraid of the reality! And ya wanna- "

"I killed Lizzie!" She took a second to realize what she'd just said (or rather yelled). She was so tired of keeping this secret to herself. It was the right time to tell someone. To tell _him_. "I killed her. She was just a child, but I killed her. She thought walkers weren't dangerous, she thought they were just… Sick people. She killed her own sister to prove it to Ty and me. And she was about to kill Judith too so… I shot her. I could've found another way, but I chose to shot her! See? Every time I care about people things become complicated and I have to hurt the ones I love. So tell me I'm selfish, tell me I'm a jerk, keep yelling at me, tell me whatever you want, but don't tell me I'm scared of the reality because the only thing I'm scared of is myself!"

At first, Daryl didn't realize what she'd confessed, stunned by her anger. But when he did, he found himself speechless. This was what she'd hidden from him since the Terminus. This was what she hadn't wanted him to know. God. It could explain a lot about her attitude and about the way she'd suddenly become another person. A cold and independent person.

He was still holding the door closed. He was still upset. His heart was still beating hard. Yes, still. But seeing her so devastated made Daryl's guts twisted. Every time she was crying, or even sad, he felt like he had to do something to make her feel good again.

Embarrassed, he walked towards her, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Stop cryin'…"

But she didn't. She kept sobbing and being restless. And now, he felt really, really bad.

"Carol…"

"I'm sorry I let ev-everybody down. I'm so so-sorry I let you down. I'm sorry you felt reject-ted. I was just… I was just trying to han-handle myself. I feel like I'm dangerous and I don't kno-ow who I am anym-more and I just… I don't… I can't… I… "

Without letting her finish her sentence, he put both his arms around her and held her. Strongly. He wasn't used to doing so. He had hugged her before. But this embrace was different. Right now, he was holding her. He was comforting her. Well, he was trying to.

"'t's okay. I gotcha…"

He rocked her clumsily against him and shushed her, trying to be as natural as possible. But it wasn't too difficult when it came to Carol anyway. How could he keep being mad at her when her sobs were making her little frail body shaking as if she was out of control? Yes, he'd been angry with her reaction. Yes. But still! Making her feel so devastated wasn't the aim of this "lil' chat". And right now, she looked so confused… Her mind seemed so messy… _Damn, look whatcha did ya idiot!_

"Look at me", he whispered, moving away from her.

But once again, she didn't do as he said. Instead, she burried her face in his chest and gripped his shirt tighter, letting a loud sob escape her lips.

"Sweetheart..."

She eventually raised her head, probably kind of surprised with this pet name (and if he was honest with himself, he was surprised too). However, her eyes were searching for everything but his eyes. Immediately, he put both his hands around her face and waited for her to look right into his eyes.

"I know ya. I know ya did what was good. What was necessary. This lil' girl'd be dead anyway thinkin' like that in this world. So stop blamin' yerself. Stop thinkin' yer a monster cuz ya're not. Yer so good, Carol. Ya don't have t'be 'fraid of yerself. I know ya're tired of this mess, we all are, but this is how we live now. And ya can't just… leave and think everything's gonna be easier. Cuz it won't. And" _,_ he added, breaking the eye contact to place his chin on top of her head, holding her closer, "I do know ya Carol. And leavin' people ya love behind ya's not who ya are. Stop tryin' to be someone else. Someone yer not. Please. Deep down ya know who ya are. Ya're strong, capable, brave, smart, and ya care. That's who ya are. That's the real ya. And I want this Carol back" he finished with a soft kiss on the top of her head.

He knew she was fighting hard not to fall apart considering her shaking body and her loud sobs. He couldn't handle it. So he cradled her more tightly, like he would've done with Judith, hoping she would definitively stop sobbing.

"Daryl…"

He shushed her and stroked her hair before pulling her softly away to meet her watery eyes.

"I know. I know you're terrified. But yer not dead. So forgive yerself and move on. Ya have to allow yerself to. Ya have to let yerself feel it."

He hoped she'd recognized her own words. These words had changed his life. They'd helped him become the man he was now. A man who had finally accepted himself. Now it was her turn to accept the woman she really was. The soft, sweet, strong Carol.

"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya 'bout Abe and Glenn. I never thought ya were weak, it's just… Ya seemed so broken this night that when ya asked me if everybody was safe, I just couldn't tell ya. I just couldn't handle ya fallin' appart. All I wanted t'do was ta protect ya. To make ya feel good, and safe… So maybe it was a selfish decision, not tellin' ya, maybe it was…"

"You're the nicest man I've ever met", she cut him, her big blue eyes looking at him with tenderness.

Her words made his throat tightened a bit. He wasn't used to those kind words. And now he wanted to cry like a little boy, but he couldn't. Because he was a man now, that was what she'd told him.

"The biggest jerk… Then the nicest man… Looks like you're an indecisive one."

Making fun of her was clearly just a way to hold his emotions back. He didn't want to cry remember?

"Stop", she whispered with a smile, still sobbing softly. When she smiled, she had these fine lines on either side of her big blue eyes. He'd missed them. And they weren't the only ones he had missed.

"I… _",_ he cleared his throat, swallowing against the lump in his throat. "I… missed ya."

He had mumbled it but her bright smile let him know she understood what he'd said.

"I missed you more", she responded, letting her soft fingers move his hair away from his eyes.

They were facing each other. She wasn't sobbing anymore. There was no more anger, no more sorrow.

Slowly, he got closer to her and put one hand in her soft curls; the other around her lower back. And he hugged her, his mouth against her temple, like he was going to lose her again. And he hopped he never would. Never again. When she returned his embrace, he squeezed her tighter, inhaling her smell. She smelled like home, because she was home.

* * *

Voilààààà

I'm so sorry for the 48786248 mistakes! I hope you enjoyed it, though!

Thank you so much for reading this OS!


End file.
